Drinking Conversations
by SanitysOverrated87
Summary: One-Shot. Naruto, Sasuke, and Gaara join up with Inuyasha and Sesshomaru for a couple of drinks. Someone mentions fanfiction and suddenly they're all thinking about the fanfiction sex. Bloody noses, insults, and fun ensue!


**Alright, Naruto and Inuyasha are not owned by me and any mention of things in someone elses fanfictions are either concidence or loving references. Please enjoy!**

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The restaurant was empty at this late hour except for one table of five men. Anyone seeing would assume they were models who worked together out for a drink, they wouldn't be more wrong.

The first slammed his bottle of Sam Adams onto the table with a laugh that brought all eyes to his joyous blue ones. "Best one ever I have to say is the one where I'm all 'in heat' and rape Sasuke over there, who of course really wants it, but has to pretend he doesn't cause he's the last Uchiha." He shook his blond head and laughed loudly.

"Shut up idiot." The black hair and eyed man named Sasuke muttered looking into his own drink of Corona.

"You're the only one among us who doesn't get references to animals Sasuke." Inuyasha muttered his gold eyes narrowing amused. "Well except the ever popular, 'duck-butt hair' reference."

Naruto choked on his drink at the silver haired half-demon's words. "'Duck-butt'! AHAHAHAHA!!"

Sasuke glared at the two of them for a moment before smirking. "True. At least I am usually paired with women."

"Please Uchiha," The red head, Gaara, muttered swigging back his Smirnoff. "You are usually with either Naruto, me or your brother."

"Seriously." The oldest of the group started gently sloshing his glass of wine, refined man that he is. "The incest absolutely disgusts me." He flicked his long silver hair behind him and glared at the waitress who came by to refill their drinks and was practically drooling. "You girl. Why is it that people want to see me have sex with that?" He asked nodding rudely at his half-brother.

Sasuke and Naruto choked on their drinks at the sudden question. Inuyasha was used to his brothers bluntness and merely raised an eye brow at the waitress as did Gaara. The waitress stuttered for a few minutes looking between all the sexy men before bursting out. "Because you both are so gorgeous! Everyone would want to see you naked together."

Naruto and Inuyasha burst out laughing as the waitress fled back into the kitchen to giggle with her friends. "You should have known the answer." Sasuke pointed out. "What I don't get is why they want us to be gay anyway. Cause…if we are gay, it's obvious we won't be having sex with them."

Naruto decided to answer this question and waved his hand jubilantly. "Oh! Because they know they have no chance, they'd rather see…what did she say…us 'naked together'." He laughed into his sleeve and Inuyasha sniggered as Gaara threw a sugar packet at the hyper active blond.

"So sad it's true." Gaara muttered. "Though I have to admit, the references to my having sex with people who fear I'll kill them during…that bothers me more than the gay. I mean…if I decided to have sex with someone why would I kill them before, during or after. Even the damn raccoon has a libido, he wouldn't just kill them."

"Libido! Hehe, you ever read that one where I had like every girl in the village after me cause the fox's heat made them all want me?" Naruto chuckled, "I can tell you I'd enjoy that a lot."

"Oh please." Inuyasha smirked leaning across the table to poke Naruto in the nose. "I think you want Sasuke no matter your protests."

Naruto choked once again and when he saw the horrified look on Sasuke's face he had to play it up. Playfully he hit Inuyasha's arm. "I told you that in confidence Inu! Now he'll be after me to bend over for him."

Sasuke spit out the last of his Corona all over Gaara who threw his bottle at Sasuke's head in retaliation. It smashed and the waitresses came out with towels to clean up purring over the two fighters, some with pity for the man who just had a glass smash on his head, others with lust for the violent actions of Gaara.

"Another thing," Gaara said after they'd left. "Why do they like the violence? They incorporate it into the sex and have bleeding and biting all the time. If that really happened, I doubt most of them would enjoy it."

Sesshomaru nodded regally. "There are a number where the four of us are biting the person we have sex with to mark as ours. I can't recall that ever happening in real life." He was quiet for a moment before a hint of a smile crossed his lips. "Not to say there was no biting…"

Inuyasha was the choking victim this time as his face scrunched up. "Ug. Now I remember why I was hesitant about your conversation choice Naruto. I didn't want to think about Sess having sex."

They were silent for a moment then Naruto held out his hands. "Shut up I need to say something." They noticed that his drink was empty and he was getting a tad too buzzed, cause none of them were saying anything. "None of you has EVER had to dress in a French Maid Costume like I did for Sasuke." For a moment no one said anything, rather looked at Sasuke, before realizing it was another fanfiction reference.

"Idiot." Inuyasha snorted. "You are upset at having to dress in a French maid outfit? Aren't there ones when you actually _are_ a girl?"

Naruto pouted and nodded while Sesshomaru chuckled softly. "I've read one of those. Everyone can't get enough of the sexy female Naruto."

"At least I'm sexy as a woman!" Naruto responded. "You see the one's with Sasuke as a woman? Looks almost exactly like Anko! Snakes involved as well!" Sasuke threw his coaster at Naruto who couldn't dodge very well in his beer induced haze. It didn't deter Naruto from his rant though. "And the rape! Why am I always raped? Gaara, Sasuke, a human Kyuubi! I am not helpless you know! Why can't I ever rape someone?!" Naruto was talking very loud and the two dog demons could smell blood as a number of the hiding waitresses got bloody noses at the thought.

"I read one where you raped Sasuke." Gaara pointed out softly, clearly enjoying that as yet discovered, Naruto had never raped him in fanfiction.

"At least you don't get raped by a snake pedophile." Sasuke said, finally having a chance to put in his personal horror. "As if I'd let him get that…diseased thing close to me."

"I have to admit, I don't think I've ever been man-raped." Inuyasha said trying to hide his gloat.

"Oh yes you did!" Sasuke snarled turning to the half-demon. "I'm sure Naraku or Kouga tried to get at you. Possibly even Sesshomaru!" The conversation was quickly turning from references to straight out accusations and the waitresses loved the thoughts of these gorgeous men having sex with each other.

Inuyasha snarled and Sasuke ducked the flying bottle. The waitress ran out with another beverage for each of them.

"Naraku _was_ just as bad." Sesshomaru said thoughtfully. "But it was usually Kagome who got the short end of that stick."

Varying degrees of disgust and pity went around the table. "Aren't there a lot of you with Kagome, Sesshomaru?" Naruto asked sipping his drink slower.

Sesshomaru glared at Inuyasha who was growling under his breath. "There are. The sex was never forced though. She was won by my honorable, quiet, and strong personality. Not to mention I don't insult her all the time." Inuyasha snarled and Sesshomaru rolled his eyes in an elegant way that only he manages.

"What is your worst sex moment?" Sasuke asked breaking the tension between the two brothers.

"Hmm…the time I transformed while having sex with someone, I think it was Kagome actually." Sesshomaru murmured. At the shocked and disgusted looks he nodded. "Exactly what you are thinking. I turned into a dog during sex."

"Orochimaru, chains, and snakes." Was all Sasuke would say when they looked at him.

"Having sex with Kikyo." Inuyasha said after a moment of staring into his own Smirnoff.

"I thought you would enjoy that." Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow at his little brother.

"I would _if _she were alive. Think about it. Woman…made of _clay._" Inuyasha stressed the last word and the others grimaced.

"I agree there." Gaara murmured somewhat ironically, the ninja of sand didn't want a woman made of clay either. "I think my worst was sand bondage with Lee. Or sex with my own siblings." He shuddered thinking of a naked Kankuro, he could have survived Temari though he wouldn't have liked it at all but Kankuro…ew.

"I can top that." Naruto grinned as though happy to win the competition. "Getting stuck in my sexy jutsu and having a number of different people take turns at me."

"You get passed around a lot don't you?" Inuyasha asked with pity.

Naruto nodded sadly. "And they don't even call afterwards."

After the laughter died down Naruto looked at Gaara questioningly. "Why do you think there are a lot of stories about the two of us?"

Gaara turned his minty eyes to Naruto and smiled softly. "Because I am deeply in love with you for turning me from my psycho killing ways and desire to show it by ravishing your body."

For a moment there was silence, well if you didn't count the squealing from the waitresses. Then the group burst into laughter. "Gaara dude, you're hilarious!" Naruto said wrapping an arm around his friends shoulder. "Hey waitress!" He jumped at her almost instantaneous appearance. "Err…what do you think sex with that guy would be like?" He asked pointing at Sasuke.

For a moment she only stared blankly then she pinched the bridge of her nose to hold off another nose bleed. "Quick and dark and passionate, possible bondage." She answered truthfully. "Why do you guys keep asking me these questions?" She muttered as she walked away trying not to faint.

"Bondage?" Sasuke asked his voice raising a pitch. "Hell no! That is waaaay to snake-manish for me to EVER enjoy. Let's see what she thinks about you Naruto." He waved his hand and the waitress appeared a tad more reluctantly though her friends seemed to be willing to come by. "What about sex with him?" He asked pointing to Naruto.

"Silly and fun." She said at first without really thinking about it. The others began to laugh but when he flashed her a smoldering look from his blue eyes she had to grab her nose again. "I take it back, wildly passionate and sweet, with a bit of playfulness." She bowed and gave Naruto an apologetic smile before heading back to the kitchen. "Again with the questions…I'll never be able to look at another man without wondering what they'll be like in bed." She muttered almost to low to hear.

"See? I'm capable of sexiness." Naruto smirked at both her answer and complaint.

"So Naruto...when are you going to come clean my house?" Sesshomaru asked almost flippantly. Immediately the thought of Naruto in the French maid's outfit flashed into everyone's mind and they began to laugh uproariously.

Naruto scowled at the older man his cheeks a tad pink from embarrassment then he rallied and winked at him. "I'll come this weekend and even give you a doggy bath." He ducked behind Gaara at the killing glaze from the full demon and waved his hand at the waitress.

She appeared smiling though a tad frazzled and looked at the other three. "Which one is it this time?" Naruto pointed to Sesshomaru, his arm slung around Gaara's neck and she met the gaze of the tall man. "Umm…" She was unable to hold off the nose bleed this time as Sesshomaru leaned forward and rested his chin in his palm as he ran a finger along the rim of his wine-glass. She fled into the kitchen instead of responding and tried to stop the thoughts of sexy men with silver hair covering naked bodies.

Inuyasha snorted looking after the waitress. "We will need to tip her big. The girl is going to be scarred after tonight."

"No she won't, she'll have the best dreams ever." Naruto giggled still hanging on Gaara. "Maybe we should play up the gayness for her."

Gaara calmly removed Naruto's arm from his shoulder. "That's alright Naruto."

Naruto pouted. "There's no one to prank anymore." His face quickly turned into a grin as Inuyasha chuckled and Sasuke snorted.

"When do you ever stop pranking people?" He asked.

Naruto looked thoughtful then winked at Sasuke. "I've yet to play a prank in bed. Even I know that would kill the mood."

After a while of companionable silence Sesshomaru looked at the others. "I have a question." When he had all their attention he leaned forward slowly. "Why do we read the fanfiction in the first place?"

No one answered him, instead they simply picked up their drinks and took a swig in silence.

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**Please review!!**


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